Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
