yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
