Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
