If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Randomize
