Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
