the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He has the fingertips of a God
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
