Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
her vagine was all disorganized.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
