why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
