Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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