i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
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i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
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We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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