why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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