If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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