If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
