Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
