yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
