I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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