Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
