Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
