Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
