Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
