Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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