Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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