mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
