Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
