What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
