I wanna bring you to show and tell
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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