i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I see more hoeing in ur future
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