everyone is single if you try hard enough
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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