It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
