The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
