does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
