Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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