can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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