You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
