now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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