Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
