He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
