I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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