I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
accomplished twins. life is a go
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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