ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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