Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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