Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
