take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Randomize
