I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
