My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
