Jerry, you need to find god
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
