Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've blown a few things in my day
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
