just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
