That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
