I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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