Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
