Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
