I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
