She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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