I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
