if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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