I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
