Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
