i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
