At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
