last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize