Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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