I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
