i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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