I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You were trust falling into bushes
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
