My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
