My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
