Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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