fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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