Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I look better un-naked...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
