1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
