So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
