do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
