i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
