Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
