So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So squirting runs in the family.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
